Well , I just write here when there's something happened. Mostly , those are bad things.
I write here today bacause I feel I don't have anyone to talk to , even him my closest peraon.
It is the end of third weeks I'm here doing my internship here. I try every single day to survive, I make it seems nice, spread the positivity everyday. Talk to myself in every hurry morning, 'okay Ayu, you can go through this. You are brave woman , risk taker and you are strong enough!"
No, I'm not that strong.
Wake up every morning to catch a ride at 5.50 am. Sit down in the middle of the crowd , having a box of milk while keep the eyes around. I'm pretty good to handle it. Going upstairs and change to the uniform that I hate in the middle of hundred girls. Okay, I can handle it.
I made friends. No, I am reaching them. Put on that smiles everyday and finally realize that good things always not litterally goid things at all. In the middle of third week somebody told me, "why do you do those jobs ? They aren't yours. They belongs to them. They were using you. Keep focus on your goals here."
"It's okay , Sir. I can do those jobs, in fact I have no other job here."
In second week a guy told me, "seriously, you are a university student? How could you cannot do this?"
Then I was in the toilet afterwards, hold my tears. After finished the work , I'm going to change my clothes, actually I have my clothes inside my uniform so I can change faster. I run with the time , If I get late for 5 minutes , the ride left me, It took 1 hour long to wait the ride to pick me up.
Day by day , I realize my life here become pointless. And finally today, I told my friend , I can't stand the loneliness. I have no clue here , nobody here . I dunno what I've done , everything become meaningless.
She said , read the Holy Quran. After read a few, I began to cry. I can't tell anyone , I can't tell my parents . I'm loser enough.
Here I am , just writing hope everything become easier...
