Minggu, 10 April 2016

IF

If you could hug me whenever I deeply fall in my failure
Say "you have me" and give me strength
If you could weep out my tears whenever I'm crying of unfair world
Say "it's okay to cry honey, come to talk to me. I'm ready to be your full time listener" and give me your shoulder.
If you could do all of these small things better than your silence. But silence is always your ways.
And, I always crying in my silence.
Senin, 22 Februari 2016

Thankyou :)

A late night , after a silly ego came. He sent me this. It just too sweet.

Dear ayu,
Aku sayang kamu. Mngkin kata2 tsb tiada arti tanpa bukti. Tapi toh biarlah, mngkin jg kamu ingin skali diperhatikan. Meski terkadang usaha ada, tapi terkadang apalah arti yg sepele bagi yg tak menghargai. Ego menjadi jln bagiku ataupun kamu. Tapi, tak apalah. Aku hnya sdg ingin belajar, belajar sbyak2nya. Berkelana mngkin slh satu jalan. Aku jg memahami kamu yg ingin sperti kata kbayakan orang. Mngkin egoku terlalu tinggi. Meski rasa spertinya sdh semua. Tapi toh apalah pentingnya. Pada hakikatnya manusia akan kmbali pd ego sndiri dhulu. Begitu pula aku yg aku sndiri merasa tak berego. Aku sgat bisa mengecewakan. Begitu pula kamu bagiku. Cukup Tuhan yg tdak akan pernah mengecewakan, krn ia tau Jalan kita. Sekali lagi aku sayang kamu, tapi otakku saat ini sdg tdak ingin memikirkan hal itu. Ini saat saat kita bisa lihat dunia. Jika memang aku dan kamu adlh jalan, tak usah terlalu dirisau yg hanya akan bikin pusing saja, krn pasti di ujung sana akan ada pertemuan yg diharap dan mngkin malah tak disangka. Siapa tau masa depan, kita hnya bisa berjuang dan bernafas bagaimana hidup kita memandang atau kita yg berpandang. Aku kangen kamu, ah tapi biarlah ttap tersimpan sperti harta yg bersmbunyi dibalik persembunyiannya. Jika memang sudah waktu dan ruang sesuai, maka biarlah jadi. Semangat ayu yg sedang sakit, coba sdikit geser kacamatamu bahwa kamu gasakit, kamu sehat, dan tambahkan sedikit usaha menuju yg diharap tentu dibantu doa. Semangat sayang.

Dari manda yg bahasa nya gak karuan.
Minggu, 31 Januari 2016

Dunno

Well , I just write here when there's something happened. Mostly , those are bad things.
I write here today bacause I feel I don't have anyone to talk to , even him my closest peraon.

It is the end of third weeks I'm here doing my internship here. I try every single day to survive, I make it seems nice, spread the positivity everyday. Talk to myself in every hurry morning, 'okay Ayu, you can go through this. You are brave woman , risk taker and you are strong enough!"

No, I'm not that strong.

Wake up every morning to catch a ride at 5.50 am. Sit down in the middle of the crowd , having a box of milk while keep the eyes around. I'm pretty good to handle it. Going upstairs and change to the uniform that I hate in the middle of hundred girls. Okay, I can handle it.

I made friends. No, I am reaching them. Put on that smiles everyday and finally realize that good things always not litterally goid things at all. In the middle of third week somebody told me, "why do you do those jobs ? They aren't yours. They belongs to them. They were using you. Keep focus on your goals here."
"It's okay , Sir. I can do those jobs, in fact I have no other job here."

In second week a guy told me, "seriously, you are a university student? How could you cannot do this?"
Then I was in the toilet afterwards, hold my tears. After finished the work , I'm going to change my clothes, actually I have my clothes inside my uniform so I can change faster. I run with the time , If I get late for 5 minutes , the ride left me, It took 1 hour long to wait the ride to pick me up.

Day by day , I realize my life here become pointless. And finally today, I told my friend , I can't stand the loneliness. I have no clue here , nobody here . I dunno what I've done , everything become meaningless.

She said , read the Holy Quran. After read a few, I began to cry. I can't tell anyone , I can't tell my parents . I'm loser enough.

Here I am , just writing hope everything become easier...